Gaslighting is a form of narcissistic abuse which is listed in the DSMV under Axis II Cluster B personality disorders: NPD. So, should this reprehensible behavior be excused because it falls under a mental disorder? Absolutely not. These narcs know what they are doing; they are strategic. They must perform to survive. They can never be the “bad one”.
In the DSMV, 301.81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it says, “The essential feature of NPD is a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood…. Individuals with NPD believe that they are superior, special, or unique, and expect others to recognize them as such. (They) generally have a lack of empathy and have difficulty recognizing the desires, subjective experiences, and feelings of others. They may assume that others are totally concerned about their welfare.” (PP. 714-715).
They cannot even face themselves in the mirror each morning, their self-hatred is so intense. Although the target would never know that at first because he or she becomes the target of such narcissistic hatred and it happens subtlety and grows so acutely that it is devastating to the soul of the intended targets.
Gaslighting comes in several forms: When a person accuses you of having a mental issue just because he or she is losing an argument, that is abusive and a slam to people who truly are suffering with mental health issues.
When a person makes you question your sanity with small jabs at your memory, peppered with little white lies, that is a form of gaslighting.
When a person speaks to you in a condescending manner in a quiet tone after denying what just happened and then patronizes you when you attempt to tell the truth, that is gaslighting.
When a person enlists enablers around him or her to agree with them and side against you all in the guise of “helping you”, that is a form of gaslighting. They may say things like, “You are out of control again, you need to seek professional help,” when the person reacts to a personal injustice being done towards him or her. And then the enablers respond in a chorus by sending local counseling groups to the target’s email or by personally inviting the target to church with them or by inviting them to “share their angst” in a personal meditation session that they will create just for them. It is all performed in the guise of “helping”. It is gaslighting.
These enablers or “yes men” who surround the narcissist are known as “flying monkees”. One cannot ever convince a flying monkee of the narc’s manipulative behaviors and ill intentions. The monkees want to be there because they are either low level narcissists themselves and want to ride the coattails of the more “supreme” narc or they are suffering from such low self-esteem that they thrive off the attention and sick gratitude they receive from the narc by openly degrading and patronizing the target.
They must be left alone to rot at the base of the narcissist’s hollow tree. Others will eventually be able to see that the narcissist bears no good fruit; it is all rotten. Didn’t Jesus say, “By their fruits, you shall know them?” By that time, the target will be long gone, his or her name already dragged through the mud, smeared all over social media and any family networks available. The harder the target tries to defend themselves, the more guilty they appear, because the narc feeds off the superficial world. So, the best strategy is to ignore them all, provide no response, no reaction, no comment and let Father Time do his thing. Continue shining your light and the rotten fruit will fall all on its own.